ALIVE!

Just so everyone knows I am not dead...HELLO! I am alive and well! I have returned from Palm Springs and then again from Twin Peaks with all of my body parts still intact. I am sleepy but happy. No more planning for me. Now I am free for summer and do not have to be a responsible adult until work starts in a few more weeks. Well, I'll still be semi-responsible. My future agenda looks to be swing dancing lessons, much Disneyland, beach, cleaning/organizing my entire room (yes, I like to do that), wedding planning, wedding going (Augh! I still have to write a speech for that!), quilting, bridal shower attending, movie watching, park frolicking, Canada exploring, and over-all fun fun fun! I shall post pix and more stuff later about my previous adventures, but at the moment I am hungry. Off to satiate my tummy.

:D

What a gorgeous day!!! I can't believe it is almost summer! Time is flying by so quickly. Only two more days of school and then I am done until August! I do not want to write my last paper. I do not want to study for my last final. I want to frolic in the park, roll in the grass, smell the flowers, go to Disneyland, read a book, make a quilt, sing a song. Anything but schoolwork. Somebody save me!!!

Oh boy.

I need to get my life together. It's all crashing down around my feet.
BUT
Summer is coming!!! After this week I am officially done with my first year of college! And I am technically a second semester sophomore. Hurray! But I don't care about all that school stuff anymore (as you can tell, since I am procrastinating on studying for my philosophy final that is tomorrow). I just want summer summer summer! It's like high school musical. I just want summer to be HERE. NOW. I really have sooo much to do though before next week. Then I can relax. In Palm Springs. With some of my favorite people. Then I will relax in Twin Pines for the rest of the week. With some of my other favorite people. Woo this is a very random blog. Ok I am going to study now. For reals. Goodbye.

WHAT?

I AM SO CONFUSED AT LIFE RIGHT NOW! I just feel like all I want to do is cry. Part of this may have to do with the fact that it's the middle of the night, I'm quite sick, I have a speech due later on today which I have not finished, and that I am definitely running on less hours of sleep then I should be. But besides all that, I just feel empty. I don't know. It's a terrible, terrible feeling. I know that all of you wonderful people out there reading this are thinking what? she is usually a happy person. This is true, but I do have my down times and this is definitely one of them. Do you ever wonder what God's will really is? If you're actually making your own decisions and then pretending that they're God's will because it's what you want? I think about that a lot. I don't know. I recently went on tour with my choir. Many of the people in that group have...different standards than I do. That trip really made me think about who I am and the way I act. Is it just a show? Do I do the right thing because it's expected of me or do I really want to? And if I am doing the right thing because I want to, is it really okay for me to expect people who don't have the same beliefs as me to be up to the same standard? I don't know. Life is extremely overwhelming at the moment. I take on too many responsibilities and don't seem to manage my time very well. Then I get stressed out and write this lovely blog. I feel as if I am so much more complex as a person now then I ever have been before in my life. Ever since I started going to public school I have changed. Yes, it has been a great experience for me. I have really learned a lot about myself and my faith. I have been able to interact with different people and share some of my own beliefs. But I am not the innocent little girl I was even one year ago. I am now informed about things that I never would have wanted to know. Is that alright? I don't know. I guess I couldn't have helped a lot of it and would have found out eventually, but I wish I could have found some of it out at a later time. Don't worry I'm not doing drugs or having sex or any of that crazy stuff. Sometimes I just wish I was back in pre-school when all I had to do was be able to ride a tricycle. I didn't have to worry about saying the right thing, getting things done, being a great girlfriend, knowing the right answers. Life is a wonderful thing, as is growing older, but sometimes, like today, I just wish that I knew what the right thing was.